Picturing fatigue
At the centre it may look calm
But is it
Or is this beyond exhaustion
Where thought is no longer possible
Where choices are stripped away
Where rest is all that's left
Exhausted rest
Eventually you emerge
Squinty eyed and nervous
Step by step
Testing energy
Creeping forward
Finding balance
Trying to be sensible
It must be possible
But no
Onto the roundabout you go
Centrifugal forces at play
Pushing rest further away
Doing more each day
Forgetting the impact
The exhaustion kickback
That will have you on your knees if you don't stop
But you can't stop
Because it feels so great
To be back in the world
That might sound absurd
But it feels amazing
To be doing the cleaning
Doing anything
Literally anything
Seeing people
Chatting
Creating
Living
That's all it is
Normal living
But with our condition
That's a dangerous rhythm
It feels smooth
Until we lose hold
And crash back through
Hitting a level or two
Of frustration
Desperation
Until again
We find ourselves at the beginning
Body Resting
Mind Resting
Enforced Resting
Not doing anything
But hopefully gaining
Learning
So we're slowly improving
Our way of living
..
I didn't know the mandala I created yesterday was going to hit me with this level of force today. It's been cathartic to write.